Gracious - Post 2

Wow.  I am sooooo glad that I am not working on the worldly definition of gracious.  Somehow, I just can't picture Julie Andrews spending the late afternoon like I did today.  My hubby and I went hiking - maybe hiking isn't the best word, hiking usually involves following a trail.  We went trail blazing, trying to find a good place to hunt deer this weekend.  I climbed up rockslides and dry streambeds.  It seemed a bit steep going up but it was NOTHING compared to going down!  My dear hubby is as sure footed as a mountain goat and was perfectly content and even graceful as he made his way back down the mountain.  Not this girl!  Oh no!  He said it was just like skiing.  I had to remind him that the only time I have gone skiing, I ended up in the same position that I was in today.  Flat on my rear.  And both times, I was speeding out of control down a slippery slope.  The snow was a lot softer.  And I was a bit more cushioned in my layers of down to keep myself warm.  Today, I was in a pair of jeans - which I may add, are now in the garbage - a light sweater and some cheap hiking boots.  Next time, I'll wear more padding. I can't wait to see the bruises tomorrow. 

However, I did do a lot of thinking about my mercy/grace vs justice conundrum.  I can't take all the credit.  I did pick the brain of my therapist who knows me pretty well after 4 years of working with me and my family. (Yes, we do have a therapist.  I highly recommend it.  I also am on anti-anxiety/depression meds. Full disclosure in this blog!)  Anyway, as I asked her for some ideas, she suggested that the mercy or graciousness isn't so much on lessoning the consequence, it is how I handle giving the consequence - especially as a mom. 

Example:

My 6 year old punches his sister in the chest (never happens - I wish).  There would be a couple of ways to handle it.  The non-gracious way would be very punitive, mean and harsh.  The gracious way (and in an ideal world), I would use a calm tone of voice, explain why the consequence was being given, follow through with the consequence and then after the time out (or whatever the consequence was), sit down with the child, give them a hug or put your arm around them and explain once again that because of their choice, they had to have a consequence.  Then discuss what they have learned from the experience. 

The gracious way is a teaching way while the non-gracious way is more of a payback, eye for an eye way of handling discipline.  Because the consequence is still carried out, it appeals to my sense of justice. Because it is handled in a loving way, it appeals to my developing sense of graciousness. 

However, in the situation that we had tonight where the 6 year old did throw a punch, I simply backed away and let my hubby deal with it.  Neither gracious or non-gracious - kinda cowardly actually.  But after dealing with bickering all day since all four of the kiddos are out of school, I figured it was his turn. I'm a team player like that.  :)